Today I want to discuss how I keep myself more resilient and less vulnerable to mental health problems. I tell you having my 3 kids home 24-7 gives us homeschooling moms no break and I have my husband who also works from home (this can be tricky, if you know what I mean) It’s important to keep a healthy balance between myself, husband, children and my parents. Here are few tips how I do it.
I have quite a support system within my family and this really does help me tremendously! I do have both my parents that live with me and our village moves mountains together. We have a system that we subconsciously created as we learned to live together. The recipe is quite simple. Respect and Space. Having too many adults in a home can be hard at times, especially Korean older generation. It took some time to know our boundaries and understand what works within us, but we built a special system that has been working for us. This transition probably was a bit harder on my husband I would think, for he has not lived with another set of parents in his life since college. But either he has a very gentle personality or he just assimilated to the situation with time OR my parents are that easy going people. Probably a little bit of both.
I learned that oversharing in the family sometimes is not necessary and we always keep space. I still at almost 40 years old listen to what my parents have to say and don’t argue much. If I don’t agree, I walk away and speak to them at a better time. In other words, I learned to treat them differently. Life can’t be perfect and definitely won’t be perfect without them so there’s no reason for me to scream out a dispute over something so petty. I’m also an example to my children showing them how to work out a harmonized family as they clearly see my role as a daughter. This part is my most important lesson of life to them.
Homeschooling my children long term will require some amount of discipline from myself. This discipline begins within my choice of homeschooling and really understanding the reason behind it. It takes a huge amount of self sacrifice of time.
Here is my top 5 ways I keep my mental health happy:
- Be grateful– It can be easy to look at other people’s “social media perfect lives” and compare to our not so perfect day. We can get stuck in thinking about what others might have or simply what more they have. The way homeschooling works is that we have different approaches in educating our children and other people’s way may not fit your style or family. And trust me we all have it in us to be interested in what others might be doing, but the minute I stopped caring or worried so much about what other homeschooling moms are doing, I was able to concentrate in what works with my family. If social media is getting to your way, then I suggest you take a break from it. It’s not worth your family’s time. Be grateful to have this time with your children, not everyone can homeschool so if you are doing it be grateful about it. What you are doing shouldn’t look like what others are doing anyways.
- Be mindful- Taking day by day. I used to have a huge list of things I wanted to accomplish and my children might not be so receptive over this list I have created in my mind. Then when things doesn’t go right, I would build frustration and anger. The worst thing I have done for all of us. I now started making a realistic list. Three main things I would like to accomplish in a day. I would alternate in the activities throughout the week and believe it or not you’d probably accomplish so much more by day 3. I realize it’s not about quantity but quality. Practicing how to focus on what’s happening today rather than worrying about what is coming has been a huge mental help for me.
- Connect with other homeschooling mama- Talking with like-minded mamas helps me to know that I’m not alone. I have a girl-venting sessions and talk about everything gone wrong and not feel alone. Many of my go-to mamas are homeschool veterans and non-homeschool moms who really helps me guide the way. Sometimes we just need to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
- Pamper yourself– Taking time for myself. Before kids were homeschooled, I had a lot more time to take care of myself. This doesn’t come easy anymore, but I now again started to put time to pamper myself. It may not be as often as I would like, but I don’t forget about myself. When I feel better about myself, I’ve noticed I’m less angry.
- Be Proud of Yourself: Every end of the month, I review everything I have done with the kids. This always puts a smile and reminds me the reason why I chose to homeschool. It’s easy to forget day to day, but when you look back and see how much you have accomplish together, I can’t emphasize enough how proud I’m of myself and the kids. Happy and proud mom leads to a successful homeschooling mom.
